Gospel-Centered Conflict Resolution

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Frontline Congregation*

Downtown Edmond Shawnee South Yukon

The chart below outlines the differences between attacking and withdrawing and contrasts them with a gospel-centered approach to conflict. Not everything in this chart is going to resonate with every person or conflict, so focus on whichever descriptions are particularly relevant to you. The goal is to help you identify what is at the root of the unhealthy patterns of conflict in your life and to provide a clear path toward gospel resolution.

How do you usually deal with conflict; do you tend toward attacking or withdrawing? Which descriptions above do you particularly identify with?

A GOSPEL-CENTERED APPROACH TO CONFLICT

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Outlined below is a process of dealing with conflict in a gospel-centered manner. Each aspect is listed, along with some questions that will help you assess your tendencies in that area. You may call to mind past experiences or even a current conflict with someone. Remember, the goal is to recognize unhealthy patterns in your life and to practice applying the gospel more effectively.

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1. HEART FOUNDATION: Identify your tendency toward either self-righteousness or insecurity. Do you tend to be defensive, or blame others, or always think you are right (self-righteousness)? Do you tend to harbor anger or gossip, or stuff things to avoid confrontation (insecurity)? Confess these things as sin, to God and those involved.*

2. POWER SOURCE: Acknowledge what drives your attacking or withdrawing. Are you more concerned with: losing face, being wrong, disrupting the peace, other’s disapproval, etc? Describe what would change if you increasingly trusted in the power of the Holy Spirit to free you from these sins of pride and fear:*

3. COMMITMENT: In any conflict, it's important to communicate to those involved that you want to seek resolution. Describe what else you tend to seek instead of resolution (being right, being “safe”, comfort, etc.)? What would it look like for you to reject your default alternative to resolution?*

4. DIRECTION: When conflict inevitably happens, it's important to talk honestly and respectfully about your thoughts and feelings, and invite the other party to do the same. Please describe what usually gets in the way of your understanding, or being understood (anger, argumentativeness, dishonesty, timidity, assumptions you make about others, etc.)?*

5. FEELING AND GOAL: Resolving conflict always carries a cost. God cancelling our debts through Jesus motivates us to cancel the debts of others. How have you experienced the cost of forgiving and reconciling with another person?*